Cynical Sentient
by Atheniandream
Summary: Daniels' back, and is seeking Sam. Women have needs, but is that a good enough?


Title: Cynical Sentient  
Author: atheniandream/Jawbreakerchick/Paisleychick, my alter egos :)  
Email: atheniandream@aol.com  
Content Warnings: Angst, UST, H/C, Fluff, Friendship S/D (Not ship though) and   
Definitely Sam and jack (why else would I write?)  
Pairings: Sam/Jack, S/D friendship  
Spoilers: Fallen, Homecoming, Season 7, paradise lost, everything ARRGGHH!  
Season: Seven.  
Rating: do not have a clue!  
Summary: Daniels' back, and is seeking Sam. Women have needs, but is that a good enough   
excuse to hurt his friend in the process?  
Author's notes: hope you like it, I'm done. :)  
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of   
Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA,  
Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is   
for entertainment purposes only and no money  
exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original   
characters, situations, and story are the property  
of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the   
consent of the author.  
===============================================  
  
Cynical Sentient  
  
He's Breakable,  
Lost beneath the wind of my heart,  
He flutters around,   
Knowing nothing can be found,  
Rough tormented,   
Actually cynical,  
  
Nothing makes sense anymore,   
Nothing ever wanted to,   
Cynical sentient....  
  
I never saw his face,  
He kept it,   
Out the shadows and lusting for day..  
It lingers...  
Fiery day turned to night.  
Nothing really mattered.... nothing ever wanted to...  
  
"You said once that you love him, Sam." he probed, not wanted to hurt, but to encourage,   
nurture, bring out some ever-tormented 'one' thought, resonating, bleeding between everything   
and no one in between.  
  
"I know." She couldn't answer any truer than that. And it was, whole-heartedly.  
  
"Then why this?"  
  
She turned towards him, still hung with sleep. Not really understanding him, and her rough   
'Colonel' edge eating her annoyances of the 'new' Daniel. "What?"  
  
"You sit here. Night after night, Sam. You sit here, pretending you do want him, and everyday   
you see that guy and you go, out, then you sleep with him. Why?"  
  
She immediately repented at his comment. Her closed off posture and constantly furrowed brow   
struck at his heart.  
In the period that he'd 'ascended' she'd descended, so introvert in her passions, so pained and   
expressionless.  
So dry of humour and cracked, hard edged.........and bleeding, inside.  
  
"Sam, you used to have life in you. You used shine, be perceptive, innocent and excited. What   
the happened?"  
  
Had the comment come from anyone else, she would have thrown a left swing on them, but it   
wasn't just anyone.  
It was Daniel.  
And somehow, that oddly made it more difficult.  
  
She sighed, not in dry and bitter revelation. But just to expel everything from her body.  
And god, it ached some.  
  
"I don't know Daniel." His eyes hadn't changed since she'd seen him on the bed. Beautifully   
natural, and pure light the sky. She took in breath just looking at them.  
"I don't' know anything anymore. I was naive, and I thought that everything was roses. So much   
has changed, and been here." he felt the pang of comment, cut like a fresh knife.  
  
"Yes, I have. It's just, I was scared. But I've been here every step of the way."  
  
"Look Daniel you can't pretend to know how I feel all of the time. I know, you supposed to be   
'higher' being an all, but cut me a break, okay." She still hadn't reverted. Thinking the   
'Sam' that he'd known was gone, lost in her wall of many guilts, loves and losses.......he   
prevailed. He was going to get *her* back.  
He was sure of it.  
  
"So back to it, why are sleeping with a man you don't lust for, to get over the man you do?   
Cause I can't get my head around that."  
  
"It's none of your business Daniel, just drop it."  
His awkward silence provoked even more of a reaction.  
"It's awkward okay. And you seem to forget that none of us *are* the people we *were* when   
you left." She looked away from him, suddenly it dawned, that he'd probably seen everything,   
plus it *was* Daniel. And his newfound courage's weren't going to let her down on this one.  
  
"What happened to Samantha Carter?"   
  
A pang of unwelcome response fled from her mind and down to her heart. She mumbled, something   
on the lines of   
"She got lost in Carter." as she cradled her head in her hands.  
  
"Look Sam, you have to do something about *This*, you're breaking to many hearts."  
  
"Look, Daniel we're not what we were, okay? Get that through your head." The sniping in her   
voice, continued to rack him.  
  
"No Sam, You're worse."  
  
He was right.  
  
They were the venomous kind. Two people who wanted each other enough to hurt one another   
simultaneously and without thinking. Whether is was love, lust or just the past, she wasn't   
sure. And somewhere, buried, underneath her heart and into her guts she began to understand the   
one thing that she hadn't previous, but that everyone around her was aware of.  
They would die doing this each other.  
  
Hurting.  
Hurting each other to the point where they couldn't' even communicate.  
  
Wanting.  
Wanting to be touched. Repeatedly.  
  
Needing.  
Needing him to need her, whole-heartedly to sooth her insecure heart.  
  
Sniping.  
Grasping at straws, no way out of it.  
  
Lusting.  
Purely wanting *him*.  
  
Dying.   
Causality Risk: High.  
  
"So what do suggest that I do?"  
Giving in, she looked up at him. Telling herself that she'd tried to listen.  
  
"Tell him, Sam. Tell him that you love him. And maybe, if stubborn Col. O'Neill gets out of   
the damn way, then he'll say something back." his equally dry humour of the man in question,   
hit.  
  
Just where, it should have, needed to and wanted to be.  
  
Her heart.  
And for notice in the last year, it broke, and Samantha emerged, just a little.  
Just enough to make her smile.  
The fact that it was due to them talking about him didn't matter.  
  
"God, that guy is stubborn." The slighted laugh escaped her lips.  
  
"But its only because he's scared of you." He smiled at his comment. But she didn't smile back,   
frowning in pure 'Embarrassed Sam Carter' fashion, with a hint of the 'unknown' woman sat next   
to him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think he's realised what you do to him."  
  
"You change him."  
  
That the proverbial straw. The last lap.  
She sat back on the park bench, half listening to the birds around them. Completely torn and in   
remembrance.  
"He does stuff to me too." She mumbled. One single tear, as if it had been reluctantly squeezed   
from her inner-self.   
"I've been crying all the time recently. Over stupid things. Breaking pencils, forgetting   
things. Sad movies..."  
  
"Him?"  
  
"Yea. And him."  
  
"It's just the end of it. You've got to get over this, otherwise, Sam you're gonna...."  
  
"Break?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"I know that Daniel." She sighed, taking his hand briefly and closing her eyes. "I missed you."  
  
"I know. Jack's been haggling me to talk to you."  
  
"Why didn't you?"  
  
"I wanted the chance to see how you two were together. Had you known I was there, you wouldn't   
have reacted all the time the way that you did."  
  
Finally. *That* smile appeared. The Carter trademark kind that Jack had fallen for. So had the   
afternoon Sun around them. Warm, heated and completely welcome.  
Just like her.  
  
"Bastard."  
  
"In know."  
  
"I love you, Daniel." Her comment came as no shock. She'd been waiting to say it for a lifetime.  
  
"Love you too Sam."   
  
"You're the only one I hadn't said it to."  
  
"Oh, I'm not so sure. I think it's time you told him."  
  
"Ya think?" The reserved Jack O'Neill in her was kind of comforting. They'd rubbed off on each   
other to the point of merging completely.  
CO and 2IC.  
Carter and O'Neill.  
Sam and Jack...  
  
"Yes." His tentative remark was all she need.  
Daniel Jackson was seldom wrong.  
And Daniel just wanted to look after the people he loved.  
  
"Okay. But only because you told me too." She smiled again. Like a light had been switched on   
again.  
  
Maybe she hadn't changed, altered? Converted, maybe.  
But the Sam that he knew, had just sat back, and concentrated.  
Scared, Yes.  
Lost, No.  
Well, maybe lost to anyone who isn't Jack O'Neill.  
  
"Does your Dad know?"  
  
"No. So you're getting a new house?"   
  
"No, the guy in my old flat died."  
  
"Good call,"  
  
"That's what I said,"   
  
Sg-1 was back.  
Daniel was still Daniel.  
Teal'c was now a little more exuberant, vocally.  
Jack was still Jack. Maybe a little smitten, maybe not.  
And Jonas was smiling, again.  
And Sam was happy.  
For the first time in a long one.  
  
God it's a beautiful day....  
=================================================  
  
Likey, No Likey?  
Tell us ne way.....  
I NEED 2 no!  
  
Athena  
===== 


End file.
